A snake slithers
A river meanders
The wind surfs the hills and valleys
As rain falls the soil drinks
Birds chirp

And I’m here
My awareness moves like snakes out of my body into everything around me

Sensing
Interpreting
Contracting
Expanding
Burrowing
Hiding

Expressive in places familiar
Estranged in places not understood

New languages
Less expression
Less flow

More ideas
More certainty
More Protocols

Organizing
Expectations
Holding my breath.

Rigid

How do I evoke the courage to bring myself out into these watering holes?
I fear my language won’t be understood.
That I’m unwelcome.

I’m not being met.
This is a certainty.
Currently.

I stay quit.
Interpreting.
Gauging words.
Feeling out certainty of thought.
Studying for fluency.

Striving for connection.

When I collide with new worlds
I’ve never been the one to be proud or certain.

I’ve stayed quit.
Tried to learn the prestige of fluency.
Worked to build bridges for entry.

It’s been 11 months in a new land and I’ve just gathered some materials to begin building.
My hands tremble.
My heart aches.
My mind scrambles.

I work to contain my awareness.
To sit and let it weave together meaning for me.
Maintaining a container for this process is trying.

Discipline.
Restraint.
Moving in and out of the Chitta mind into Jnana wisdom.

In this world I’m in today the Wisdom of the Heart seems to not have a welcome space.
So I cultivate it inside.
Inside my sanctuary.
In my gardens.
My altars.
My journals.
My relationships.

I sit and crash up against the edges of my own heart centric assuredness and pray that the nature of things will move through me.

Sometimes I look down at my journal and weep.
Surprised at what is written and shared.
Thanking the Mother for having not forsaken me.

To have the bridge built for me, through me...revitalizes me.
I keep on praying that Ill be able to connect these worlds and walk them.
That I’ll understand the other languages soon.
That I won’t feel wrong in intellectual spaces.
That I will meet those on the edge and that they, feeling familiarity

Will help me through the thick fog.