Today I’m exploring my anxiety.
My anxiety tells me to go and do!
I ask why?
She says because you’ll feel better.

I ask her why I don’t feel good.

She screams ,”Go and do!!”

I know this feeling.

From practice I know her.
So instead of going and doing... I sit down and surf her wily waves.
Until I get to a deep heart cry.

Here I ask, “Why don’t I feel good?”

My cry tells me that this is not a cry of not feeling good.
This is a cry out for care.
This is the cry of an exhausted one

Who never gives up.
Who takes care of me to the most intricate and detailed degree.
This is my caretaker saying please don’t turn away.
Please don’t go out there and do.
Please don’t neglect me.

Please just sit with me, hold me, and breathe Life back into me.
So today I’m sitting with my Anxiety.

Today, I’m bearing the discomfort of my desire to fight or flight... to go out there and do.
Today, I will sit through the fits of my external self and rock her (with yoga asana, meditation, candles, music, a bath, good food, and soft things).

Until I can get to the one deep down beyond the protections of my self/my shield/my ego.
Then, once I’m through the gate, I will honor her.

It is in this place of disarmament, of tolerance... Where my heart, my caretaker can take the stage and be revived.

Where, as I sit and breathe deep breaths into my body... she is strengthened.
Where she dances on stage.
As she is strengthen... my resolve, my dharma, my nature is made clear to me again, to my mind.

I see now what it is I’m meant to go out and do.
As she is revived,

My heart.

My caretaker.

The connection to the other worlds and languages comes through me and out into the world.
The one my anxiety demands I go out into and do!
For the sake of my reputation... and image.
The one my heart is here to serve.

So take care.
Take time.
Sense the desire to go outside of your self.
The sense of fight and flight.
Begin interpreting it as a call to come back home.
As a call from your most precious in tune self... To sit down and conjure her up and breathe life back into her.

So you can walk back out into the world and do the work you’re meant to do and be seen doing.